i WiSh i HaD....

went for my uncle's wake today....sat there looking and staring into space....wat my sister said is really so true...my entire family is so distant away from one another...maybe its because the family is big..so everyone isnt close...or maybe all juz cant be borthered or care...

isnt this sad?can u imagine we only gather either during festive season or funerals only?how sad can this get?but its juz too late to do anything now...i predict if ever my grandma passed away one dae,my family prob would become a handful of sands...once let go...it'd be scattered...

anyway...juz felt so awwful inside me today again...

my cousin is blaming herself for her dad's death coz she felt tt she's e one tt caused his death...
she was e one tt sent him to e hospital...and e doc cldn save him...she said tt if she didnt send her dad to e hospital, he wouldn die...

i can totally understand how she feels...it muz have been miserable....its muz have been heartwreaking...

all this recollected my memory...when my grandma passed away 2 yrs back...i really miss her dearly...i still remebered how remorseful i was when she passed away..
juz because its christmas, i didnt go in wif my mama to malaysia to visit her as promised...
juz because i wanna celebrate christmas wif my frens...i missed e chance of saying bye to her or even give her a hug or be there for her thru her last hour...
i felt regretful...it'll forever be in my mind tt i did something tt i really regret for life...
its really something tt u cant ever ammend....
it's be cast in yr head, be a scar in yr heart for ever...
i know i cant never forgive myself becoz of this...
i miss u ah ma....i really miss u.....